As I approached the barren wasteland known as the G platform, I noticed two young punks up to no good. First, they were lurking where the train doesn’t stop. Second, they were laughing in a conspiritorial manner. They were 14 or 15, and I decided to use the Dog Whisperer technique.
When a threatening dog approaches you, assume an aura of authority and power and act unimpressed.
“Scuse me, do you have the time?”
I just happened to have my piece of crap phone in my hand, so I told him.
“Six twenty four.”
Just so you don’t worry, I wouldn’t have gone digging for the time if I hadn’t had the phone in my hand.
They looked disappointed.
I proceeded to where normal people waited for the train, boarded and continued reading Fight Club as the train moved on.
A few stops later, the doors opened and the oddest thing happened.
One of the punks was dragging someone by thier sweatshirt. I assumed it was him and his buddy screwing around. But then I heard tile shattering, and the 30 or so people that were exiting, entering, walking by that point on the platform all froze.
For five seconds, no one moved as this kid then yanked his victim in the other direction.
Take a moment and time 5 seconds. That is a long time for a group of New Yorkers to pause.
As the punk turned and ran, the spell was broken by a man yelling “Stop him! Stop him!”
He had pummelled a young girl and ran off with her iPod.
Less than a minute later two cops approached and helped the young girl up. They told us that they caught him (this stop just happened to house a police station) and that EMS had been called for the girl.
The doors closed and the train moved on.
I shook my head, exchanged compassionate glances with my neighbors, and continued reading Fight Club.
15 responses so far ↓
Becca // March 14, 2009 at 10:04 am |
wow.
what a punk indeed.
Erick // March 14, 2009 at 10:14 am |
That how people show love on the G train. Bed Stuy Do or Die!
The Dog Whisperer is so wise. You should’ve pinched their necks and said “PSSSSSSSSSSSSST.”
Joy Renée // March 14, 2009 at 5:13 pm |
holy cow!
Joy Renée // March 14, 2009 at 5:14 pm |
i think erick’s on to somethin…
danielle // March 14, 2009 at 8:26 pm |
dang. and exhale.
Karah // March 14, 2009 at 11:52 pm |
I thought you were going to say that they pushed a handsome man onto the track and he was knocked unconscious and then you had to save his life but he was in a coma and then his entire family thought you were his fiance … oh wait, wrong story.
Laura Beth Pomeroy // March 15, 2009 at 12:50 am |
woah
alece // March 15, 2009 at 3:07 am |
i love that you were holding/reading Fight Club in the midst of this ordeal.
annie // March 15, 2009 at 2:25 pm |
Ha ha! Karah’s comment made me laugh.
My real comment was:
Woahzers.
Sarah // March 15, 2009 at 9:31 pm |
I think they walked away from you because you were “calm assertive.” The only instinctual reaction they could have was “calm submissive.” No need for the neck stabbing when you are obviously the “dominant pack leader” type. If only because you were holding a copy of Fight Club.
Or it could have been the disappointingly crappy phone you were telling time from.
Sarah // March 15, 2009 at 9:32 pm |
Yeah, I DVR “The Dog Whisperer.”
Gordon // March 16, 2009 at 5:56 am |
Hope you’re OK.
I’m confused of the lesson learned in this post? You can avoid being a victim of crime if
a. You are calm and assertive
b. You read fight club and therefore are either cool, or might be “a bit tidy” in a tussle.
c. You have a crap phone
?
Erick // March 16, 2009 at 1:55 pm |
Yup, it was the crap phone that did the trick. When you have nice, expensive possessions, it’s always a good idea to keep them hidden. You never know who could get on the train with you. I always keep my Ipod in my bag with only the headphones sticking out. There are plenty of people with their IPods fully exposed to bother digging in my bag. I’ve seen people whip out their nice, expensive laptops on the subway. I say to myself, “What the eff are you thinking?” Natalie has the right idea, read a book. For some reason, most teenage thugs don’t like to read. Although we did go to a bar last Friday and she left the book at the bar. So the thugs might as well have stolen it. LOL
http://www.break.com/index/alone-in-the-universe-by-jon-lajoie.html
Natalie Jane // March 17, 2009 at 12:21 pm |
Good news! The book has been found! As is the desk key of Scott’s that I lost.
I think I’m done losing other people’s things for a while.
Next on the to do list? A martial arts class of some kind so I can hurt people if they try to steal my iPod.
Stephanie // March 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm |
Ironic book for the situation. I kinda like the irony.
It’s good you have street smarts.