Brain Constipation

The term “brain fart” is often used (by myself, anyway) to describe a temporary lapse in memory or brain to mouth function. As in….

“Hi, my name is……uh…. brain fart!”

I’m supposed to be working on an article today. I have to pick something to inform young people about, and make it interesting. I just can’t seem to settle on a single subject. And just when I do, I can’t think of a way to make it flow. So you see…. brain constipation.

First I was really grasping. Maybe an article on how they get lead into pencils. Or I could go with describing all the wierd and off the wall jobs helicopter pilots have. What I really want to do is write stories, and they tell me that non-fiction articles can be stories, but I want to make up stuff. I don’t want to do research. Here, I’ll make up an article about how they get that lead into pencils. Right here and now.

GET THE LEAD OUTTA YOUR PANTS!
a silly article by N. Palscak
Have you ever been doing your math homework and find yourself thinking, “How do they get lead into these pencils?” For dozens of years, complete and total geeks like yourself have wondered the same thing. When people do get the nerve to ask, they’re usually given easy answers like “They’re made in factories.” Well, I decided to get down to the bare facts.

Suprisingly, my research led me to a small village in Papau New Guinea. Local legend tells of a people who have great skills with termites. The story says that thousands of years ago, their cheif saw termites eating up a tree and knew that if he could direct those termites, they could cut down trees, carve out boats, whittle elegant designs on the beams of their homes, and other things that, frankly, this chief was sick and tired of doing. This guy was chief and he could have just told his wife to go chop down her own trees, or at least hired somebody to do it, but he wasn’t very smart. He did, however, have a gift with termites. A gift which has been passed down from generation to generation. I witnessed the fruits of this gift with my own eyes.

After two weeks on the thick, heavy rivers, chasing ghost stories, I wound up in a small grove of banyan trees, ten miles from any village. I stood in the midst of those ancient trees and shouted the ancient words to announce my presence to the termite people.

“Little pig, little pig, let me in!” I yelled to the banyan trees.

“Not by the hair of my chin-y-chin-chin!” came the sure reply.

They accepted me without question and I saw what few men alive today have ever seen. Termites working together, creating thousands of ten inch pieces of cirular wood, which are then carried to another team of termites who paitently, and skillfully, eat the center of that wood, straight through. The older, skilled people of the village have the honor of sliding the lead into the wood. While the younger apprentices, squeeze that little metal thingy around the eraser at the bottom.

Why, after all these years, did the termite people allow their great and sacred art be shown to the world? For this simple reason. I asked.

N. Palscak deep in the forest of Papau New Guinea with the Termite People (photo by say_cheese 05)

Advertisements

12 responses to “Brain Constipation

  1. Are you kidding me? That rocked!

  2. 3:50 PM? It’s 6:47 PM!

  3. Speechless.
    Laughing out loud at the publis library.
    More speechlessness.

  4. you’re a genius!

  5. Accolades. Sweet. And yeah. I can’t get the clock thingy to work.

  6. hey, howahyah ?
    just got off the phone with ya, nice chattin goin down here. hey my heart goes out to the lb, sounds like she had a rough day at the publis library. first she gets a tickle from her sis with a pencil all the way from papau. then her ole man lays a heavy on her from memory lane. bodda bing, bodda boom, gotta stop those tears, oh wait, theys tears o joy. now lb, i know you will read this eventually, I LOVE YOU, i’m touched that you all found my blog so moving. as i stated in my earlier blogs, i try. nat, i like the artwork, but keep the day job. Mike , HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
    DAD

  7. ooops,
    hey didya ever have brain constitution, boy i think somebody did, phew. anyway i just got back from africa, yup sent a blog to alece. It was such a pleasant suprise to see she made a comment on my blog. like way cool. i had to come back and say wow. did you do your research on the pencil in the publis library? how long did it take the termite to teach the chief to speak termite ?
    it’s my bedtime, love ya
    dad

  8. i’m back
    it’s another day here, ya know, this is good material for a childs book. who knows, it could lead to a lord of the things trilogy, from an insects point of view. Things could be anything discarded by the monsters (man). like, june bugs could be the thing wraiths, wow this could really get big fast.
    anyway, i came back because i wanted to ask, if you could tell how to make links from my home page, like you have on yours. and thanks for the web site you sent in email, good stuff.
    bye

  9. Natalie — don’t fight the gift. I say you write children’s material. For instance your talent is very reminiscent (why don’t they have a spell check on these things??) of Veggie Tales … or at least the talent that was. Anyway. So many creative outlets. Writing commercials. Handling Superman’s fanmail. Being yourself. Ahh. There’s the ticket.

  10. i love re-reading back over your old posts. thanks for my making a “my favorite posts” list. makes me smile to look back over these.

  11. sure wish i had a gift with termites. next time you’re there be sure to thank them for their hard work.

    the image likeness of you is staggering.

  12. Natalie! This is hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh….and I’m glad I’m not the only one who uses the term “brain fart”…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s