Breaking News! Buffalo sauce is hot!

For at least ten years now, Buffalo wings have been a part of American cuisine. We’ve already had the funny (?) commercial where the father informs the son that buffalos don’t have wings, to which the son replies, “That’s because you ate them all.”

For me, the chicken is inconsequential. I would be just as happy with several shots of that sauce.

There are restaurants who specialize in the Buffalo wing phenom, such as Buffalo Wild Wings, Miami Wings, and Quaker Steak and Lube.

Most restaurants, including Applebees, Chili’s, Big Boy, Denny’s and even McDonald’s, have hopped on the Buffalo train. (Good idea sirs.)

Until recently, Bennigans was not a part of this spicy hot clique. Efforts to maintain their authentic Irish menu have crumbled.

“Can I get you something to drink, ladies?”
“Water with lemon, please.”
“Alright, I’ll be right out with that, ladies.”

My friend Sheila and I were pleasantly surprised to see “NEW! Boneless Buffalo Wings” on the Bennigans menu. Why not?

“Here’s you’re water, ladies. Do you ladies know what you want to order?”
(Apparently, he noticed we were of the female gender, as he referred to our sex in each sentence directed at us.)
“Yes, we’d like to split an order of the boneless Buffalo wings.”
“Buffalo wings? You know they’re hot?”
This caused Sheila and I to pause. Hot buffalo wings? If he felt compelled to warn us they were hot, did this mean that they would melt our tongues off? What is this “hot buffalo wing” of which you speak?
So I inquired, “Do you mean, hotter than usual, or just “Buffalo wing” hot?”
He snickered. “Well ladies, buffalo = hot.”

(Of course he said “equals” because you can’t say “=”, but “=” conveys more distinctly the fact that he thought he was informing us of something we would not be schooled in.)

“Yes. We’ll take the wings.”
“Alright ladies.”

When he brought us “ladies” our order of Buffalo wings, the little nuggets of chicken had barely touched that fiery nectar. I could just imagine this guy going back in the kitchen.

“Yeah, there are a couple of ladies out there who ordered the wings. But I don’t think they know what they’re getting into. So light on the sauce for the ladies, okay?” (Homestar Runner fans? Read that sentence again, a la Strong Bad.)

So I waved the guy down and asked for an extra side of sauce.
“Sure! Blue Cheese dressing?”

Did I stutter! Did I ask for dressing? Do I look like a frickin sissy?!

“No. Actually, the wing sauce.”
“Oh, ok.”

So I got my extra sauce. And my eyes watered and my nose was runny, just like it should be when you are enjoying Buffalo wings.

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8 responses to “Breaking News! Buffalo sauce is hot!

  1. I laughed when I read this. The Strong Bad line was great! Way to prove the waiter wrong – you certainly aren’t a “frickin sissy”! You crack me up, friend! Thanks for the laugh! And the craving… I could go for some hot wings right about now!

  2. I am a “frickin sissy” and I personally think that the beauty of hot wings is the BLUE CHEESE…..without it I could never survive a helping! :)

  3. hey sweetie,thanks for the warning. I”ve never had wings. would have been a big suprise to me. wow, hard on the help,don’t ya think. i never would have guessed that you would be offended by being referred to as a lady. The phrase, ladies and gentlemen has been around for ages.I guess they can start saying venetians and martians, but then someone might be offended at being referred to as an alien. It doesn’t sound like the gent got much of a tip that day, he’s probably still trying to figure out what he said wrong. as always tho, this is just me lookin in.
    love ya
    dad

  4. I would have to agree with you , Nat. Not such a bright waiter. “Bright” in the interpersonal communication area. I have been a waitress for 8 years, and while I may say there are situations where you feel the person ordering has no idea what they’re in for (although buffalo wings??” who doesn’t know they’re hot??) … you never, ever, ever insult their intelligence by assuming they’re an idiot. “Ummm … sir … have you ever had that dish?? I really think you’d be happier with the Kung Pao.” On the other mention of “ladies” I must say … I’m sure it wasn’t being identified as a lady which bugged you. It was the constant reference. Kind of like: Hello, Natalie. Where are you off to Natalie? I really like your hair Natalie. Anything happen today Natalie? Nothing against your name, you know, but … overboard is overboard.

  5. Exactly on both points, Annie.

  6. yeah…so how’d you fix the time?

  7. i think this is one of my all-time favorite posts. “So light on the sauce for the ladies, okay?” HA!

  8. funny! finally getting to these oldies but goodies. :)

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