New Boyfriend 4

I have recently realized that my blog seems to indicate that I’m obsessed with dating. While this is not true, I do find it to be a current and entertaining topic.

Before I begin to spread my horizons and post on such thrilling subjects as “WHAT I ATE THIS MORNING!” and “I AM SO BORED!” indulge the taste buds of your eyeballs on this….. but only if you have already seen these…

New Boyfriend

New Boyfriend 2

New Boyfriend 3

In * Days

In four days I will be giving Mr. Gym his last piano lesson before I leave.  And oh, there was cologne this past week.  He almost apologized for wearing it.  He didn’t invite me to a jazz club or wine tasting, but requests for Light Blue have surged since my post.  At least so says the lady behind the counter at JC Penny.  Coincidence?  I think not.

In five days I will be on a plane to New York City.  On a flight that I inadvertently booked from the wrong airport.

In six days the 60 day waiting period for the divorce paperwork that was filed 3 months later than it should have been will be up, and Mike and I will sign final paperwork that essentially says “Oops.”

In seven days I will be performing a monologue that will be used as some kind of placement tool for the workshops I will attend.  I still haven’t picked one out.

In eight days the acting classes begin.  I hope to learn things that will lead to amazing opportunities and maybe even work that pays enough to support my nomadic and stuff restricted lifestyle.

This is the plan anyway.

Oh, and in one day (maybe two or three) I will get the latest Opti episode up, if my lame computer doesn’t shut down in the middle of editing.

To My Gentleman Readers:

If you wear cologne and you do not wear Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Blue, I would like to thank you:

Because you do not wear Light Blue, I can think straight when I sit next to you.

Because you do not wear Light Blue, I can speak in complete and coherent sentences when I talk to you.

Because you do not wear Light Blue, I can make eye contact and be present in conversation with the person standing where you just were.

However, if you do wear Light Blue, don’t blame me if I seem lightheaded or ditzy.  Don’t hold it against me if I’m in a constant state of blushing.  Maybe you should spend more time with me so I can become immune to it’s effects.

Whew.

(if you now feel compelled to try Light Blue, I will not be held responsible.  use at your own risk!)

Mustard

Mustard on a pretzel
Most are willing to admit
Is a socially acceptable food ingestion process in reference to condiments
The combination seems to fit

Mustard on a pickle
May get you funny stares
But if suggested in a sarcastic and challenging manner, tainted with disdain,
I will try all of your dares

Mustard on a piece of pie
Is simply unimaginable
It would confound and pervert all we treasure about these two respective foods
My disgust is almost tangible

Have you ever taken a bite
Of something that didn’t taste right
But tasted and tasted until your tongue was crying for mercy and your guts refused to function correctly
Cause this bite might taste better, it might.

I’ve had enough of your flavor
So why is it hard for me to express
I’m putting down my fork and looking for someone who cares just as much about what comes out of me as what goes into me
I shouldn’t settle for less

I wanna be a part of it….

Ok.  So it took me eight years to finally confess that I feel like pursuing a career in film would be worth my time and effort.  I’ve said before that part of what kept me from doing this was “Who wouldn’t want to be in film?”

Now, saying “I want to be involved in film” is a fine enough statement for most people.  If I say that to anyone in the industry I hear, “Well what do you want to do?”

I finally have the guts to admit that though I love being on sets, I enjoy the technical aspects of filmmaking, and feel most alive in that environment, what I would really love to do is act.  So I secretly began looking at programs and applied and auditioned for a four week program at The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts. 

I sent everything in yesterday via email.  This morning I got a phonecall.

“Natalie, based on your performance we feel that you would be a good fit for the program.  And we want to help you get here so we are offering you a scholarship.”

So, ladies and gentleman, I’m going to New York.

Holy crap.

Funny Farms and Makeovers: not necessarily in that order.

Since summer is officially here, I thought I would try a new haircut. I didn’t really do that on purpose, it just worked out that way. Here is the before picture.

The after pictures are two attempts at styling. I WILL be growing my hair out, and I WILL NOT be getting it colored this dark again. Yikes.

In other news, I drove by something the other day. I could have sworn it said “funny farm” on it. I stopped, reversed down the dirt road, and sure enough…. I took a picture just for you.

I hope they find poor Reufus.

All hail the burger!

There was a community event in Howell yesterday. I was there. I waited in a line 50 people long. There were cars woven through the Walmart parking lot.

I didn’t think it was that great, but it was fun making conversation with everyone and feeling connected to my community.

It was even mentioned on Fox News this morning.

Yikes.

To answer your question:

The past few search terms that have led people to my blog (that I am aware of) were interesting and I’d like to address them here.

“What it means when he wants to say hi.”

This brought up nothing on my site, so I felt compelled to answer the question behind it. I wonder if it is the one wanting to say hi, or the one who thinks they might be getting “hi” said to that typed it. Then from there, is this a passing i’m-just-being-friendly “hi”, or a you-seem-interesting-and-i’d-like-to-start-a-conversation “hi”.

This is getting too complicated already.

“How to tape your eyes shut.”

Let Sleeping Ninjas Lie, of course. That post came up second to last on page one of the google search. Sweet. Wait. I never answered the HOW question, did I?

Use cotton balls or cotton pads and medical tape. That tape comes off much easier and takes a lot less hair and skin with it than other tapes. Tape cotton medium of choice to closed eyeball. Sleep. Remove tape and cotton before trying to walk around. Remove if you sleep with face in pillow.

“Scandinavian Feet Natalie”

Is there some Scandinavian foot model whose name is Natalie? Is Sven desperately searching the globe for her?

If he is, my post about the bed and breakfast I recently stayed at came up second on a google search.

I mention the Scandinavian room. Scandinavian, check.

There is a picture of my feet in the slide show. Feet, check.

My name is mentioned in the post. Natalie, check.

That post has all that a person could want when searching for “Scandinavian feet Natalie”. Why look anywhere else?

Benefits of Eating with Earthlings.

I decided to eat my lunch outside. With only two tables and one of them occupied, I didn’t have to think much about where to sit.

I was halfway through my pizza, which I am certain was fat free and a high source of the most important of vitamins and minerals, when two women exited the restaurant, expecting to eat outside. After an awkward moment when they realized there were no free tables, they moved to a street bench.

“Excuse me,” I called, “You ladies are free to eat here if you don’t mind eating with a stranger.”

I think they felt obligated to accept simply because people don’t do that kind of thing. They looked uncomfortable.

I finished my pizza as they talked about work, tendon surgeries, getting drunk the night before visiting theme parks and the fact that their salad had tomatoes on it despite the recent tomato scare.

I gathered my things.

“Well it was nice eating near you,” I said, “Have a great day.”

“Thanks for sharing the table!” one of them smiled.

“Oh no problem. As a human being, it’s the least I could do.”

Catch Me If You Can

My apologies to Sarah who was just talking today about how she wishes people were posting funnier things on their blogs.

During my retreat I was busy getting frustrated by what I felt was a contradiction about God. If God really wants to be known by us, why do we have to seek him out? I was feeling lazy. “Why do I have to try so hard?”

Usually when I’m trying to follow a deep train of thought, I get sidetracked by something shallow and selfish.

Cue thought process about dating: “Do I want to go on dates?” “Why don’t I get asked out?” “Does the fact that I ignore attractive men have anything to do with that?” “Why am I so obsessed with dating?”

Then in a flash I understood something about God.

I want to be pursued. I want men to clamor over me, fight for me, till only one man is left standing because he fought longer and harder and took the time to really find out who I am. And once he has won me, I never want him to stop fighting for me. Even though he will have my heart, the journey to know me will never end.

Sound like a lot of work lies ahead for Mr. Right.

But I want to be won. I want to be known. It’s not like I cringe at the thought of being adored by one man for the rest of my life.

So is it a contradiction to want to be wanted, yet you put yourself in a position where the seeker has to be willing to put serious effort into “finding” you?

And how much does my paragraph about being pursued sound like this…. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

I promise that funnier posts will be coming soon. It’s just that what I really want to say is… God makes a little more sense to me now.